Who has a harder time letting go after a breakup? Men or Women

It’s a loaded question but don’t worry, we’ve got answers from every single zodiac sign. (Whispers: He may still be thinking about you, sis)

Photo by: fuckyeahmovieclub.tumblr.com

Good ol’ Breakups, we all go through them but none of us experience them the same way especially when it comes to gender. According to society, if you’re a woman, you’ll probably have a hard time getting over it. A man? Oh please, he’s living his best life and tends to move on without the tears, the infamous quotes on social media, the therapy sessions or without the drastic hair change. We also tend to have more support post-breakup whether that be in our personal lives, entertainment industry or just in general. Think about it, if you go to a bookstore and look in the love & relationship section, most books are catered to women and also written by them which would make one think that the woman tends to have a harder time but something in my spirit can’t come to terms with that.

Sometimes, I sit and wonder if a males emotions get completely ignored when it comes to breakups. Where are the books for them? Support groups? The fire selfie on IG? Men get cheated on too and dumped, a lot actually and our assumption tends to be that their feelings/emotions aren’t as deep as a woman’s emotions.

Every rom com (ever) typically starts out with a plot, guy dumps her, she’s all over the place, crying non stop, she can’t keep it together and it seems as if her life is over. Take Legally Blonde, Waiting To Exhale or any Tyler Perry movie ever, for example. When it comes to men, films showcase the complete opposite. A couple breakups and he’s having sex with someone else in a week or so and seems pretty unbothered by the situation. The woman, always seems to get the short end of the stick. However, I call bullshit. I think men and women are more alike than we choose to acknowledge. All the breakups I’ve witnessed, men were a hot mess afterwards. I think it’s time to change the breakup narrative, once and for all.

I’m not a man so I can’t speak for them so I chose to interview 12 men and get their take on the subject. Yes ladies, even your exes zodiac sign will be included. You can thank me later.

The Million Dollar Question: Who takes longer to get over a breakup? Men or Women? Does it depend on the dumpee/dumper? Longevity of the relationship?

“Women take longer to get over a relationship I would think only because they’ll hold onto the feelings longer or keep old photos keeping memories alive.. compared to guys who typically take about 2.5 weeks to get over someone because they’re out just hooking up with chicks that’s how i feel… buuuttt you’re right depending on who broke up wit who, is how to dictate who would take longer to get over who. I recently just got out of a 1 year relationship and we broke up with each other but I’m over her, and she still messages me and everything but I’m completely over her and vice versa unless pride gets in the way “

Julian, — Aries

It depends because I think guys get it over it quick but then again it depends on the type of girl. I think men get over it quick and then they feel it later. Also, it depends on who dumped who. I personally think the dumper takes longer to get over it. If I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, I would definitely take longer. It also depends on if someone cheated or not and how long you guys were together. I think everyone breaks up for a reason and if there is no reason then you shouldn’t of been with that person to begin with. I think guys definitely grieve more after the relationship is over. You could be the guy who goes out and parties after the relationship but deep down you’re still grieving.

Devante, — Virgo

“It definitely depends but it takes guys longer . When it comes to guys, the breakup has a long term effect where they think about it later on like, “That’s what I could’ve had” versus girls who move on quicker because they work on themselves mentally faster. It also matters on who dumped who.”

Andrew, — Sagittarius

“Women move on mentally quicker whereas a guy will seem to have moved on in a physical aspect but not mentally. Emotionally i think it takes longer for women. Men will move on physically and neglect it mentally. Men just put on a facade. If men fully commit emotionally in the relationship, the love is stronger because women express their emotions much better than men. We suppress them. Women reach point A to B much quicker in a relationship than a man. For a man to reach the other side of emotions and truly fall in love, it would be like running a mile versus women falling in love, it just takes a few steps therefore it takes us longer to recover. It also has a lot to do with maturity. I think women move on quicker. Men might show that they moved on in a physical aspect but inside, feelings don’t just go away like that. Men don’t take enough time to heal in between relationships after a serious breakup. We think with our private parts instead of our heads”

Gabe, — -Scorpio

“It depends on if the guy actually liked the girl. If the guy actually liked/loved her then I would have to say men. We be heartbroken odeee. We just don’t show it.”

Tyler, — Capricorn

“For me, I think it depends on who did what. The person who initiates the breakup is probably ready to move on with her life past that particular relationship. the person on the receiving end of the relationship is probably like why? I want to make this work. The person on the receiving end is probably going to take longer.”

Keith, — Taurus

“Women take longer for sure. I feel like in a relationship as part of the actual letting go process, it’s for sure women. It hits men later. If we’re talking about letting go and moving on, then men definitely move on faster. Men are prone to not realizing what they have until it’s gone. It also depends on who leaves who. Either way, the man is going to let go faster. Men are a lot more susceptible to clouding their emotions when it comes to this thing but they program themselves to be over it in a physical aspect . I think we’re able to do that because we’re a lot less in touch with our emotions. Men grieve at a later time because you can only dodge emotions so long until you have to deal with your own demons.”

Dominic, — Pisces

“I think it depends on who was more in love. It took me 9 years and counting to get over my ex-wife but then the next girl I was with, I was over it instantly. I don’t think gender matters. I grieved for a very long time and I’m still grieving over my divorce.”

Charles, — Libra

“It’s hard to give you a straight answer. I think it all depends on the situation, how long they been together, mutual connection and the individuals personality/ mental state. I feel like it can go in both ways. To answer your 2nd question I think getting broken up with is probably worse then breaking up with someone. I think that one tends to often blame themselves on how things ended, overthink things, think what they could’ve done differently, and just think negative in that situation. But it can also be changed in a good thing by focusing on what motivates you personally and to grow.”

Edward, 26 — Cancer

“I think women take longer because a lot of times women put more into the relationship than the guy does. As a result of them putting so much into the relationship, it hurts them deeper and it takes them longer to heal. As for guys, it depends on his personality and his outlook on life. Sometimes guys get their heartbroken and take a while to recover.”

Herbie, — Leo

“I think it depends on who dumped who. In my past relationship, it probably took me longer to get over. I love hard in relationships. For me, it depends on what mental state the person I’m in like if I’m going through something and you’re with me through the thick part, it will take me way longer to get over it. Men mask the pain. A lot of stuff you see is just a cover up with men. I could move on in two weeks. Social media makes everything quick. We’ll see a celebrity move on so quick but deep down, you know the person is still hurting. People see that and see that it’s easy to move on quick. It depends on how deep your love is for that person. Social media has caused people to twist the narrative about how quickly people move on.”

Dennis, 25 — -Aquarius

“It’s tricky I think. I personally haven’t been dumped…usually I’m the one who left somebody. If you leave them, it’s easier for you to get over it. You already wanted that break from them if you initiated it because your mindset was already there. When they leave you, you question everything. Could things have been different? What could have been different in the relationship to get over it? It’s not a male or female thing. We have the same emotions when it comes to breakups. I’m a gemini, I’m emotional and strong. I can hold my own very well then I have emotions at the same time. As a male we try to be so strong to be strong and not to show emotions. All the males in the family are the most emotional.

My dad and uncles are the toughest people in my family but they’re also the most sensitive people I know more than my own mother. The masculine part of us tries to take over our emotion. I never felt the urge to move on quickly because I tend to want to focus on me after. When they move on quickly, majority of the time it’s out of boredom or just wanting attention and affection. A lot of time they move on quickly because they like the attention and don’t want to focus on themselves. I’m on the phase of relearning myself . I think when you separate yourself from a person, you give up so much of yourself and breakups teach you to re-learn yourself. In every relationship I’ve been very strong but emotional at the same time.

I went through a breakup recently. Off and on for 9 years. It was a lot and I’m still dealing with emotions. I had to separate myself from my social media. Should I post this selfie? Then seconds later you’re downing a bottle of wine. People go to social media to help get them through it through likes. I see a lot of people posting “I can do better by myself” etc. they want people to see them in a strong light. Social media has a lot to do with how we feel after the breakup. You can still see them because of mutual friends. Back in the day, we can break up and I don’t have to see your face but now you see them everywhere.”

Matthew , — Gemini

Well, there you have it folks. I guess we aren’t as different as we think. Breakups in the 21st century are quite unique and probably harder than it was for our parents. We have social media where we all show our best face so it clouds our judgement. To me, Instagram is like a perfect Christmas photo except it’s year-round. Everything is filtered and perfect. We want to show off our best selves especially after a breakup but most of it is just a united front to the anguish that lives inside us.

We all grieve after breakups in one way or another. I think gender plays a role because of society and what has been instilled on us (how we should act, how quick we should bounce back or move on) but just like life, there is no cheat-code to figure out how to handle these things.

Whether you’re a man or a woman reading this and you’ve been dumped or you dumped them, I pray you find healing and I hope some responses help you realize that everything isn’t always as it seems. Men experience the same emotions as us and hopefully one day, society will create a safe space for them to express them.

Just writing what's in my notes and in my heart.

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