Do All Men Cheat? An honest conversation about the multifaceted act of cheating.
Cheating, cheating, cheating, where do I start with this complex topic? Almost every woman on this earth has probably been cheated on whether she knows it or not. Some women seem to think that it’s just in a man’s DNA to act on it. Some even go so far as to say that ALL men cheat, which I refuse to believe. I’ve heard many conversations with women truly considering this theory, thus making me question the concept of cheating. Does every male species do it? Is it the woman’s fault? Is the reasoning behind cheating correlate with one’s culture? Does it depend on the relationship?
In this day and age, I sometimes ponder that maybe we hear about more infidelity now more than ever due to the quick access of information at our fingertips.
Think about it, technology and social media play a massive role in most of our lives, whether we admit it or not. It’s easier to cheat these days, right? I mean, beautiful people are at our fingerprints. Sending an emoji or a flirty DM may seem innocent to you but can be considered cheating to someone else. Dating in this generation can sometimes feel like a joke. Most of our world is superficial. The attitudes and projections towards honest and monogamous relationships seem like a thing of the past (Lord, please don’t let it be). I could go on, but my point is it seems as though we’ve lost a lot of morals and values these days. The world is full of dishonest people, so I wanted to speak to the honest ones.
When I first thought of writing this article, I had a particular theory myself, but after interviewing a few honest men, my opinion was swayed. I see cheating as a betrayal, but my opinion is not gospel. I’d rather hear an opinion opposite of mine to prove my theory right or wrong.
Therefore, I interviewed seven men. Some are married, some are in relationships, some are single. Either way, they were brutally honest, and they each brought their own unique perspectives.
Terrance, 48, thinks 85 percent of men cheat but that once a man gets to the age of 40, he stops. When I asked him why men cheat, he kept it short and sweet: A woman is a man’s weakness.
“A man can love his woman to death and still cheat and regret it. This is what women don’t understand…I promise you 8 out of 10 men worldwide are cheating or have cheated on their wife or girlfriend at some point. These are one-time offenders. Someone who continuously cheats on their partner is a totally different animal. He is cold-hearted and doesn’t really love his girl,” Terrance states.
Derron, 32, doesn’t believe cheating is gender-based. He believes that cheating is where opportunities lie, a man or a woman.
“It can be ego-driven based on what that person may be lacking. It layers to why a specific man cheats. I don’t think people in a general cheat for one reason. It can be someone lacking in the sexual department,” Derron states.
As far as his definition of cheating goes, he thinks it can be emotional, mental, and physical.
Derron believes that in relationships, people outgrow each other leading one to cheat.
“If your relationship is based off solely on sex, then maybe you need the mental stimulation. Perhaps another woman is drawing you in based on mental stimulation. Maybe she comforts you in a way that your woman isn’t, but if you are humbled by your woman and where you are with your energy and satisfied, then you won’t cheat, “ Derron says.
“A lot of people in relationships don’t need to be in them because they are not healed from past traumas. I’m single because I don’t want to take a woman through those emotions. Why lie to a woman? If you’re not really about that life. Even if you are, a relationship should be sustained through growth. If I’m not prepared for you to submit to me, then I have no room for you to try to submit to me,” he said.
Derron went on to state the importance of being healed before entering a relationship.
“A lot of women are not healed whether it’s mental abuse, daddy issues, and now you’re longing for that void for that man as if he’s a counselor. Now both all of you are messed up and expecting to sustain a healthy relationship. One needs to define cheating and set boundaries. If you’re not going to uphold these boundaries, then it becomes your fault if you keep getting run over.”
Derron highlights that we try and change people or fall for the partners who have potential in many relationships. I’m for sure guilty of this.
“You’re trying to coach him into potential, and then the man turns into your son. Now you’re enabling bullshit because you’re in that cycle and pattern. All of us don’t have experience with men in the household. We see our mamas putting up with these men. We hear our moms telling us that our parents aren’t shit. When we get into relationships, we are a reflection of our childhood.” Derron says.
“We sometimes have toxic moms, music (in the black community) that promotes a certain lifestyle, having a church that doesn’t help, and absent fathers. We tend to have an uphill battle of trying to heal ourselves from different experiences. Most of us are in a repetitive cycle of negativity. All men don’t cheat, but a lot do. It depends on what their goals are. If you don’t have self-control, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship,” he states.
Elton, 25, doesn’t think all men cheat.
He says, “There are me who genuinely want to be faithful and are faithful. But then some men do it for whatever reason. Because of their ego, they want some quick sex, relationship toxic. I don’t know. Some dudes entertain women here and there. Some dudes are just too nice. Some may like the attention,” Elton states.
Some men cheat, some don’t. It works the same for women, too, I guess. They’re interchangeable.
Josh, 24, believes that men cheat for a multitude of different things.
“There’s a multitude of different things. We’re humans, and we’re multitudes of the mind, body, and soul. We have 7 different chakras. There are a lot of ways we cheat. I’ve made an inward journey when it comes to spirituality. I can’t dive into the low frequencies of cheating.”
Josh always thinks that people cheat just based on the fact that we all desire to be wanted. He believes that cheating can be in all forms.
He goes on to say, “ Other aspects of the relationship may not be there. When you’re not in tune with who you are and don’t know your background and history. We’re not aware of the mind control around us. On a higher level, a lot of things tell us to devalue ourselves. When people look at black men, they stereotype us thinking, “this is what they do, they all think the same” “Talking about bitches and hoes,” he explains.
Josh has a more spiritual approach and explanation for cheating, tying it too attached to our old habits.
“We’re all addicted to our old ways. We’re mind-controlled. We’re all under hypnosis.
Love is unconditional. There’s always going to be the opportunity for that to test you.
Understanding what God is, is essential. God comes from within”, Josh says.
“Flirting. Receiving and entertaining other things with the opposite sex can be classified as cheating. We’re trying to break generational habits.
Josh says that although he may not speak for all men, he feels that men need to understand the effect sex can have on one’s mind.
“Sex is much more than a physical thing. We exist on a multitude of energies. What does giving your body away serve you? It comes from a lack of awareness and a longing for attention and desire.” he said.
Michael, 57, feels that all men do not cheat and, if they do, there’s a reason behind it. He classifies cheating as something physical.
“Cheating is about the individual. Cheating doesn’t mean that it doesn’t love the person you’re with. If you love someone, love is fragile. You could love someone right now, and they do something to piss you off, and it turns the love right off. Love is the individual actions that you portray to the individual. I say this because of my wife. I know she loves me because she wouldn’t cheat on me. If my wife weren’t fulfilling her duties, I would cheat, but it means nothing when a man cheats physically. It means nothing. He can go home that same day and have sex with his wife. It means it’s something in him that wants to mess around with someone else,” he says.
“It’s more likely for a man to cheat rather than a woman. Women are nurturers. Our goal is to conquer. That’s why men are always talking to women, but if you’re satisfied with the woman you have, you can be satisfied with what you have at home, but if you lose that, then you’ll never get it again.” Michael states.
Micheal closes out our dialogue by telling me that as humans, we are not meant to be on this earth alone and stresses the mind of someone who enhances our life.
“A person can tell you they love you all day, but if they don’t show it with actions, then it means nothing. And the thing about relationships, you have to get your heartbroken to know what love really is. “ he said.
Justin, 24, believes all men have what it takes to cheat but ultimately depends on how much they like the woman or how much she likes them.
“If a man feels like you won’t leave abruptly after cheating, then somebody is more prompted to cheat because you can get the best of both worlds,” Justin said.
He went on to say that there are different levels to love in relationships.
“Men can still love their woman and still cheat, but he may not be in love because when you’re in love with a person, one of your biggest fears is not to lose that person; therefore, you wouldn’t want to cheat,” He said.
“Men look at sex as something recreational like smoking weed or a cigarette, and they do it for the enjoyment. It does not mean they have emotional ties. It also depends on character and upbringing and how he was raised because that determines what their views are,” Justin says.
Justin says that in his neighborhood, growing up, having sex with multiple women was what got you deemed a real man.
“It takes maturity and a broader spectrum of knowledge to realize that it’s actually not cool and it’s childish to do those things,” he states.
Tashell, 25, believes that all men don’t cheat, but he does feel that most men of all races cheat.
“Everyone has their own specific reasoning for cheating. Most reasons are a lack of intimacy in the partnership, and his/her spouse is not attractive anymore, hypersexuality, someone who can’t control hormones, to get revenge after an argument or to satisfy one’s ego.”
“Also, a man can repeatedly cheat and still love his spouse because one may feel there is only cheating for that moment. It’s sad but true. The male species is dominant and is genetically made up to have offspring everywhere, and that’s even with animals,” he states.
After hearing some of these opinions, I was stunned, but then it dawned on me that everyone is different. Every relationship is unique. We all express love in various manners, whether cultural or based on what love looked like growing for every one of us. However, as someone who has been cheated on, I feel like there’s a lack of accountability from men when they are caught in the act. If I love someone, I wouldn’t think of cheating on them, and if they lacked something, I would just end the situationship, entanglement, relationship, etc. Cheating is a matter of selfishness especially if you do it repeatedly. I don’t see it as a form of love to continuously cheat on someone you’re with.
We tend to repeat what we see instead of what we’re told. Some of us aren’t shown a healthy relationship during our childhood but that’s still no excuse to perpetuate the toxicity you may have been exposed to. Some of us also have yet to go within ourselves. Consequently, we try to locate that outside of ourselves and engage in cheating without seeing a problem with it. Either way, cheating is not a black & white issue. It’s more of a matter of being upfront and honest. Overall, this issue is cumbersome, just as we as humans are.